Goals And Empathy Are Paramount

I'm reading a book called "Getting More" by Stuart Diamond. He's a renowned negotiator, and instructor of a course on negotiation at Wharton Business School. I'm only part way through, but I'm connecting with a lot of his ideas, especially the idea that succeeding in a negotiation doesn't usually look like what we expect it to, or as it might play out in a movie scene. That an effective negotiation isn't usually won by brute force, and dominating the other side. On the contrary, to build sustaining, healthy "wins", vs. short-term, detrimental wins, you have to have empathy. You have to see the other side, and imagine the "pictures in their head" based on who they are and how they are feeling at the time of the negotiation. A win is rarely arrived at without making it "about them", and ensuring that they feel like they have gotten something from the deal.

The first strategy he discusses is that "Goals Are Paramount". Meaning that you must know what outcome you want from a negotiation. This sounds simple, but I can think of many times when I've forgotten it. I'd like to think I'm reforming, but I'm embarrassed to admit the times when I've called customer service with the goal of fixing my problem, and then let my goals morph into venting frustration. What is the point of that? You just make someone feel bad, and you're no closer to solving your problem. The smarter move is to empathize with the person on the other end of the line. They didn't create the problem you are having. They are there to help you solve it. They usually care a lot about whether they can help you, and should be your ally in getting something fixed.

The author looks at most interactions as negotiations, and in that light, I have a long way to go to empathizing with the other side and keeping my goals in sight at all times.